Feature from Vision On zine #13

From Farnham To Infinity. Well, To Southampton Anyway.
On The Road: An Epic Wat Tyler Road Trip By Sean

26th Friday: Farnham - The Maltings
I was ill. Really fucking ill. I had some virus that had been going round Gypsy Hill and there was nothing the doctor could do. It was a case of staying in bed and shitting it and puking it out. Today was the first time I'd been out in a week - the world was a very strange place. Farnham is also a very strange place. A little commuter town just outside London. The gig was obviously a local event. It was full of kids. Kids I'm old enough to have made. Anyway, the gig was a nightmare - I was ill (did I mention that) and we got hassled by the local Exploited barmy army. And to make matters worse one of those cunts nicked my brand new drum sticks. Now I'm not really that bothered about losing £4.99 but I never buy drumsticks and this pissed me off because I knew I couldn't use Thug Clubs from J Church's sticks because he uses tree trunks. So I found a kid that had been spotted nicking them and shoved him about until he gave me the sticks back. Basically I was a bully and Tuck was proud of me. Oizone played after and then J Church but I didn't really pay attention. Those drumsticks had become everything. The kids were going crazy but then again they'd probably have gone crazy to a lump of pooh.

27th Saturday: Croydon - Shake Some Action (2 O'clock) / King's Cross - The Red Eye (8 O'clock onwards) / New Cross - Goldsmith's Tavern (one in the morning)
Shake Some Action is a small punk rock record shop in Croydon which I'm always amazed stays open. James asked us two years ago to play, when it opened and it's only now we've got it together. Afternoon gigs are odd but fun. It was free and the shoppers passed by, looked in the window and saw us making a god-fucking-awful racket. I was still ill and the idea of doing three gigs didn't really appeal, but then again the show must go on. The Red Eye is a pub miles away from a Tube but right next to a fucking horrible council estate, but I can't help but love the place. Small, a good PA, cheap to hire and really friendly people working there. Tonight it was the Church, Oizone, Bob Taylor and Broccoli. At half eight it looked like no-one was coming but within an hour the place was rammed. A good time was had by all. Smithy decided we should play some new songs without practising them. I'm all for modern art, some guy came up to me and said he'd waited four years to see Wat Tyler and we'd made his life. There are some sad people in this world. I love playing with Oizone as they are really old and can't play very well. Two shit bands together. Apparently J Church stormed the place but we had to head off for gig three.
The Goldsmith's Tavern is fucking horrible. It's free to get in and full of pissed-up nutters on drugs. The Tone and Jayne Doe had played to no reaction whatsoever and no-one was bothered about us, but that was no problem. Smithy was on the inter-city to shit face city and we had a right laugh playing the heroin blues. I got a taxi home away from the hellhole called New Cross. By the way, if you ever want to see a funny band, try Inhumanity from America. Yep - funny Americans do exist.

28th Sunday: Brighton - The Free Butt
Brighton means one thing to me. Sea, sun, veggie burgers from Grubb's and the video games. Well that's four things but I usually do them all together. Hung out in Brighton all day and the gig seemed to just get in the way. Now the Just One Life collective in Brighton - these are people I have a lot of time for. They put effort into the gigs and have built a really great scene. All the money from the gigs go to the bands and you can't say fairer than that. Anal Beard opened the evening and I couldn't really watch them because they were really bad. Almost as bad as us and I have to watch us every night. Jayne Doe next and I couldn't watch them either because they were tons better than us. Our set was pretty tame but what the fuck. J Church is when it kicked off. Crusties dancing madly and making total tits of themselves. The situation was sorted inside the pub but the twats just hung about outside. They were still there when we left with our gold and later we were told they were playing the sport of throwing scaffolding at each other from great heights. Not sure whether it's going to catch on.

29th Monday: Cambridge - The Boat Race
Nothing much to report except that Cambridge is fucking horrible. Both Tuck and Smithy got totally shit faced. Tuck's mum, sister and step-dad came to the gig and loved it. But when he woke up sober, he wasn't quite so sure. I stayed in the van - ill, no athsma inhaler and waiting for daylight when I could score some drugs. Broccoli rocked the house and J Church rocked the Boat. This was the first poor turn-out but it didn't really bother us. We discussed whether you played better in front of more people and we decided we did because we are show-offs and needed more people to show off to.

30th Tuesday: Liverpool - Guinans
Now I've never understood the Simpsons and never will. American shitty culture but it didn't stop a pub full of Scousers having a good time. However two hours later they were all tense as fuck and shouting 'fuck' every three seconds as Liverpool managed to thrash Celtic nil-nil. I was still ill and dripping snot everywhere. No-one Son were on first and kicked arse apart from the clarinet which should be burnt on sight. We had no problems getting a cheap laugh tonight as a thick skinhead stood at the front and we had an easy target. Me and Smithy did some break-dancing but I think it will need a little but more work.. After the gig, just like all the rock stars, I got a taxi back to the house. The taxi driver wasn't a fan of Roy Evans (the Liverpool manager) and told me so for the whole 15 minute journey. It was the end of another hazy rock'n'roll day.

1st Wednesday: Grimsby - Baker Street
We stayed in Liverpool as long as we could because we knew Grimsby smelt of fish. The Baker St. was a very odd place with a manager who loved his rules and regulations. We ate chips and I puked them up two hours later and watched Man. Utd. with a few Man. Utd. supporters who surprisingly lived locally. I've got this feeling that Grimsby loves American-styled bands so J Church had a great time (they are of course Americans) but we were sucking shit. One Car Pile-Up the first band were top and had the most amazing drummer and he made me feel not worthy. There was a quality small-town disco next door - you had to see it to believe it.

2nd Thursday: Leeds - The Duchess Of York
Smithy dropped us in Leeds dead early in the morning. He had an important meeting with his child and bunny. Now, Leeds is a party town. We shopped, we sat in pubs and went to the cinema where you can get a first class seat for one pound more. Nothing like pushing the boat out. The gig was a laugh. Me and Smithy got up and sang with J Church, we stuck it up the northerners and a member of Mutt said the same thing between every song we did and it got a tad boring. Mutt are the new Blitz - it's official. None of Chumbawamba could make the gig which was a real shame. Tonight was the first time we played the Spice Girls song which we had intended to do every night. Now that's interesting. Went back to Crackle HQ and stayed up all night talking about obscure Brazilian anarcho 7"s.

3rd Friday: Glasgow - Nice'n'Sleazy
Early start to get to Glasgow so we could see Julie and eat the best veggie found in Glasgow. It were lovely. Julie is now a famous actor and we were surprised to find her working as a waiter in the 13th Note. Me and Lance went record shopping and the others went back to do a soundcheck. The gig was packed and the Scots were mad for it but I'm not really sure they are into being slagged off. We were lucky not to get a kicking, except Smithy had befriended the local hard nut Roach and he sorted it all out for us. The kids went wild for J Church and I discussed how crap Scottish football was with anyone who wanted an argument. Stayed at my mate Stuart's house and he hasn't even stayed there yet. Nice selection of sweets and the floor was our home again.

4th Saturday: Bath - The Porter Butt
Now this was a fucking drive. Glasgow to Bath. Whoever booked this tour should be sacked we all cried, until we realised it would be me. Bath is a wild crusty town and it didn't let us down. WORM and Maggot Slayer Overdrive were the other bands. Both stole our jokes before we went on, so we were a tad worried but nothing could stop the punkers having a good time. I think our 15 minute set didn't please the punters but you get what you pay for. £3 gets you Wat Tyler - £8 gets you Snuff. Gardner from J Church played loads of bum notes and we decided he was so shit that he might as well join us. There was a party three doors away from where we were staying and not being the wild kids we once were, we all made sad excuses and went to bed/floor.

5th Sunday: Southampton - The Joiners Arms
What a lovely day. We went past some stones in a circle which were rubbish but there was a lovely kitten and puppy by them, Liverpool stuffed Chelsea and tonight I would be home. The good old Joiners and the STE collective. Solid as a rock. Portiswood opened the concert and were pretty grim but then again drink might have had something to do with that. My Step-mum, Step-sister, Brother and Wife had come to the gig so we put on a very average performance to finish everything. J Church tore the place apart and the kids danced until out of nowhere they did a cover version of No Doves Fly Here. Fucking awful. Off into the night we went to go back to Gypsy Hill. The tour went well. Loads of people, no problems, plenty of food but there's nothing like home.


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